I wanted to get tied up before we went upstairs, but when Martin does, the position he puts me in ruins me. It started off with me on my knees, with my feet together (my choice), my elbows tied, with rope around my throat and chest. Not even a minute later, I couldnt keep on my toes, so I maneuvered my feet so I could fall into a sitting position on the floor. From there, I couldnt move. And THATS what messed me up. I know that Martin makes the rules when Im tied, but when I wanted to get roped, I had my own desires in mind and that was to be able to struggle and move around. As soon as I learned I didnt have that ability, I didnt want to cooperate. Without being able to physically show it, I threw a fit. I sat in silence, wanting to somehow get myself to the floor, wanting to scoot myself around, get up, sway, I couldnt. Because the way I was tied and the way I was positioned, I would have fallen and hurt myself so I was angry. Angry, but while Martin gave me the opportunity to call it quits and take me to the bedroom, a part of me wanted to stay tied up – unsure if it was for me or for him – I didnt know – but I wanted to stay. So I continued to cry and continued to be disobedient.
